Hooked!
by PT Malvik
Summary: Patrick does the forbidden. Spongebob panics. Hilarity ensues. We hope. (CHAPTER 4 is up! (8-20)
1. The Terrible Hooks

Disclaimer: Spongebob Squarepants is the property of Nickelodeon/Viacom. This is just for fun, not for any profit.  
Category: Humor/Gen  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Patrick does the forbidden. Spongebob panics. Hilarity ensues. (We hope.)

HOOKED!

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Another fine evening settled in over the Krusty Krab. Spongebob's fry cook's hat was carefully set over the door peg and he waved a cheery good-bye to Mr. Krabs who was busy counting the day's take. "Bye, Mr. Krabs!"

"Uh-huh," Mr. Krabs grunted, knowing instinctively a penny was missing. The smell of money just wasn't strong enough.

"Good-bye, Squidward," Spongebob added politely.

"Mmmph," Squidward grumbled, knowing that Mr. Krabs thought a penny was missing, which meant that he'd be there long after closing time. That was because Mr. Krabs was a penny-pinching, addled-brained, crackheaded crab with nickels for brains and he'd ...

"I said 'good-bye', Squidward," Spongebob repeated helpfully. Squidward's hearing wasn't that good, or so he liked to believe. Someone once mentioned something about Squidward ignoring him on purpose but that was ridiculous.

"I HEARD YOU, SPONGEBOB," Squidward snarled. "GOODNIGHT."

See? Ridiculous.

Spongebob bounced out the door, happy as a clam. Or a sponge. Whichever. "I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready ... for bed," he chanted.

Off to each side were the usual sights. The Chum Bucket where Plankton's maniacal laughter could be heard day and night. Mrs. Puff's little boating school, with its new sign on the door that said: "Please Pray For Spongebob to Graduate", Sandy's little hyperchamber bubble home and last, but not least, The Hook Field, where colorful hooks floated serenely, tempting all denizens of the deep to come and take a ride on their magical, but deadly points.

Spongebob had once succumbed to their evil charm, but he'd learned his lesson along with his best buddy Patrick, whom he saw right at that moment, in The Hook Field, gently swinging on a broken-backed minnow lure and ...

"PATRICK!" Spongebob screamed, his eyes nearly falling out of his head. He ran as near to The Hook Field as he dared. "What are you doing? The hooks are _bad_! Don't you remember what happened the last time we played here?"

Patrick looked at him quizzically. "I was here before?"

Spongebob sighed. Someone also once told him that Patrick was as dumb as a coral reef but that couldn't be right either, because he'd met some pretty smart coral reefs in his time, especially compared to Patrick.

"Yes, Patrick, you and I were both here before," said Spongebob slowly, hoping the information would sink in. "And we rode the hooks until Mr. Krabs explained to us why we shouldn't. Because we'd be taken up there ..." He pointed to the fathomless upper ocean for emphasis. "... and we'd be put in a can. In fact, you ended up in a can at one point. Don't you remember?"

Patrick scratched his top "arm". Or was it a fin? Even he wasn't sure. Starfish anatomy wasn't his best subject at school. He was much better at lunch. "Vaguely," he lied. He couldn't even "vaguely" remember what he had for breakfast. "But if I ended up in a can, wouldn't I be dead?"

"We have no time for stupid questions now, Patrick," Spongebob said firmly. "You have to get off those hooks, this instant!"

"But it's fun," Patrick protested. He swung on the lure for emphasis. "See? And it's free. I didn't have to pay a quarter or nuthin'"

"Aaauuugh!" Spongebob shrieked in horror as the lure began to bob up, up ... up ... "Patrick, get off of there, right now! Now!"

"La, la, la, la," Patrick sang, pretending not to hear Spongebob. Really pretending, not like Squidward's fake pretending. Or something like that. "I'm having fun and you're not. I'm having fun and you're ..."

_WHOOSH_!

Patrick was yanked into the wild blue yonder with horrifying suddenness.

"PATRICK!" Spongebob howled.

"SPONGEBOOOOOOOOOOB!" Patrick screamed back. "HEEELLLLP!"

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to be continued ...

Oh, no! Patrick is headed for the cannery. Spongebob is headed for a breakdown. Plankton is still laughing maniacally. What will happen next? Tune in next chapter to find out.

Review this chapter, if you DARE!

(Not that it's a big thing, but I'll take reviews any way I can get them. :-D


	2. Help Is On the Way!

Disclaimer: Spongebob Squarepants is the property of Nickelodeon/Viacom. This is just for fun, not for any profit.  
Category: Humor/Gen  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Patrick does the forbidden. Spongebob panics. Hilarity ensues. (We hope.)

HOOKED!  
Chapter Two

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"I'll help you, pal!" Spongebob cried, running in circles. "I'll help you, I'll help you, I'll help you ..." he chanted continuously, slowly sinking into the rut his circle-running created.

By the time he reached his waist, he realized he wasn't helping Patrick at all. In fact, he didn't have a clue what to do. But if he couldn't figure out a way to save Pat, he knew who could.

"Mr. Krabs!" he yelled, running back at top speed to the Krustry Krab, where much to his relief, Mr. Krabs and Squidward were still standing behind the counter, arguing over that penny.

"I want me money, Mr. Squidward! I demand me money! And if you don't find it for me ... " Mr. Krabs threatened.

Squidward wasn't impressed. "You'll do what? Fire me from this amaaazing job? Oh, whoa is me." He threw his hat on the floor. "I'd have a better time on the unemployment line. So long. I'm out of here."

Spongebob jumped up and down, trying to get their attention. "Mr. Krabs! Squidward! Help!"

"Not now, boy. Mr. Squidward and I are discussing business."

"No, we're not. You're discussing business and I'm ignoring you," Squidward corrected. "Learn the difference."

"Please! You have to help me," Spongebob begged. "Patrick's gone!"

"And this is a problem, because?" Squidward asked, somewhat nastily. He and Patrick never got along that well. Not that Patrick ever noticed and not that Squidward ever got along with _anyone_ really.

"Whoa, slow down lad," said Mr. Krabs, more sympathetically this time. "Where did Patrick go?"

Giant tears began to squeeze out of Spongebob's eyes as he tried to blubber out the story. One huge drop after the other, increasing in size and frequency until the entire Krusty Krab was in danger of being flooded.

"Oh, great." Squidward wrinkled his nose at the tear water that rose up to his knees. How he noticed the rising tear water when they are all in fact, under water, is another, much more complicated story you can read about in some logical universe, but for now, they were all in danger of drowning beneath Spongebob's tears.

Okay? Good.

"Could you cry a little bit on the dryer side, Spongebob? You're making me all pruney."

"Patrick ... playing ... hooks," Spongebob gulped.

Mr. Krabs looked horrified. "What did you say, lad? Did you say ... HOOKS?!"

Spongebob sniffled and nodded. "And I don't know what to do," he wailed. "You've got to help! Patrick can't survive for long up there."

"Spongebob," Squidward sighed. "I don't suppose you've ever heard of survival of the fittest, have you? Not to be cruel or anything, but Patrick wasn't exactly on the 'fit' side even when he was down here, if you know what I mean."

"He started on the South Beach diet just last week," protested Spongebob defensively. "He lost a whole four ounces. Of course that was mostly brain cells, but still ..."

"That's not what I meant, Spongebob," Squidward began, but Mr. Krabs stopped them both.

"We have to save the poor fellow, if not for his own sake, then for all of Bikini Bottom. Those hooks are a menace to us sea creatures," Mr. Krabs proclaimed. "Why just last week, two of my best customers were taken up and never seen again."

"Maybe if you fed them some real food, they wouldn't fall for those baits," Squidward retorted, but was again waved silent.

"And you know what they say, don't you, Spongebob?" Mr. Krabs waited for an answer, but when none was forthcoming, he continued. "A lost customer is less money and less money is a terrible, terrible thing."

"_They_ say that, Mr. Krabs?" Spongebob asked thoughtfully. "Because I've never heard anyone but you say that."

Mr. Krabs ignored him. "Come on, lads," he cried to them both. "We're off to save Patrick."

"Uh, yeah," Squidward said slowly. "About that. See, I have a date tonight and ..."

Mr. Krabs laughed. "Don't be ridiculous, Squidward. The last date you had was with your clarinet and a bottle of fermented kelp. Hee, hee, hee! You ... on a date! Ha!"

Squidward looked abashed. "How did you ...?"

"Hurry, lads," Mr. Krabs said, pulling both Spongebob and Squidward out the doors of the Krusty Krab. "We're off to save Patrick! No matter what!"

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to be continued ...

Uh-oh! With Mr. Krabs and Squidward on the hunt, the search for Patrick is sure to be a total disas ... uh, triumph! Tune in for Chapter Three and find out.

Reviews help Patrick survive longer in an oxygenated environment. Really!


	3. The Wild Blue Yonder

Disclaimer: Spongebob Squarepants is the property of Nickelodeon/Viacom. This is just for fun, not for any profit.  
Category: Humor/Gen  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Patrick does the forbidden. Spongebob panics. Hilarity ensues. (We hope.)

HOOKED!  
Chapter Three

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The Hook Field loomed large before them. Lures of every shape and color floated serenely alongside hooks upon which some poor land wiggler was impaled. Even more horrible were the bits of poor sea creatures who'd met their ultimate fates only to end up as bait to snare their unsuspecting fellows.

It was a horrible sight. Especially to Squidward, who tried to sneak away at least six times before Mr. Krabs clamped onto him with a crab-like grip. Crab-like because he was ... well ... a crab.

Examining the fishing lines, Mr. Krabs hemm'd and haw'd as Squidward unsuccessfully tried to pull out of his grasp, again. "Honestly, I have a date tonight! Ooomph!"

"Quiet you!" Mr. Krabs commanded, yanking Squidward back in place next to him. "I'm thinking."

"Please hurry," Spongebob implored. "Patrick needs us."

"Sorry, lad. You can't hurry great minds," Mr. Krabs said, ignoring Squidward's snort of derision.

"Yeah, I'm surrounded by great minds all right. Between you, Spongebob and the dearly departed Mr. Starr, it's practically a genius convention," Squidward moaned. "And to think, I could be watching Bikini Bottom Idol right now." He sighed a deep, deep sigh. "I could have won that show, you know. I tried out and everything."

Spongebob was intrigued. "Really? What happened, Squidward? Didn't they like your act?"

Squidward looked mortally offended. "It's not that they didn't like it, they _couldn't_ like it. It was much too sophisticated for them."

Spongebob wasn't sure that was the case, but before he could question further, Mr. Krabs snapped his claws gleefully. "I got it! If we can't get Patrick back down here, we'll follow him up there. A quick ride up on the lures -- taking care not get hooked -- and we'll jump off into land creature territory, save Patrick and leap back into the water before you can say 'Davy Jones' Locker'. What do you think, boys?"

"Yay!" Spongebob cheered.

Squidward was nowhere near as optimistic. "I'm out of here," he proclaimed, only to be pinned firmly in place by Mr. Krabs.

"Oh no, you don't," Mr. Krabs said, holding up all eight of Squidward's tentacles, his large nose hanging downward, making him resemble a particularly sad piece of calamari on a fish counter. "You're coming too. There'll be no mutiny on this boat, Mr. Squidward."

"What boat?" Squidward cried, loosening himself with a huff. "I'm a minimum wage employee in a fast food joint. My only boat is the one that the cash register sits behind. I don't get _paid_ enough to risk my life for someone who's too stupid to live."

"Nonsense!" Mr. Krabs snapped back. "I pay you plenty enough to do everything I say. If you want to keep your job, you'll be coming with us. All right, Spongebob, now let's pick out a hook ..."

Another voice entered the fray. "What ya'll doing?" It was Sandy Cheeks, the only underwater dwelling squirrel on the planet. The only underwater dwelling squirrel with a Southern accent, to boot. "I thought this place was off limits to you sea creatures?"

Spongebob waved to his pal. "Hi, Sandy! We just came down here to ride up to the surface, jump off into land creature territory, save Patrick and leap back in the water again before you can say 'Davy Jones Locker'. Although we'll have to say it pretty slowly, since I think doing all that will take a little bit longer than saying three words, but if we drag them out like Daaaaaavvvvvvy ... Jooooooo ...."

Sandy was astonished. "Whoa, fella. That's a whole lot of dangerous doings you boys are being up to. I mean, you don't really know all that much about land living do you? Those critters up there are mighty mean to sea creatures and there's the whole breathing thing ..."

"Yes! I knew someone would be sensible about this," Squidward said gratefully. "Thank you, Sandy!"

"So," Sandy continued. "I think it best that I be going with you. As a guide, sorta."

"Great!" Spongebob and Mr. Krabs said together.

"Nooo!" Squidward groaned, but it was too late. He found himself on the nearest lure (a none-too-comfortable plastic guppy), alongside Spongebob, Mr. Krabs and Sandy who'd picked their rides accordingly.

"And a one ... a two ... a three ..." Mr. Krabs counted down and ...

_WHOOSH_!

Off they went, up ... up ... and up, into the unknown and dangerous realm of the land creatures.

"Wheee!" cried Spongebob, holding on and obviously having the ride of his life.

"Heeeeeeeelp!" cried Squidward, before he, and everyone else, disappeared above the calm blue water.

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to be continued ...

Does Squidward really get paid enough to go through all this? Will he find a better job among the land creatures? Tune into Chapter Four to find out.

Reviews will cheer Squidward up until he finds that dream job. Honest!


	4. Davy Jones Locker

Disclaimer: Spongebob Squarepants is the property of Nickelodeon/Viacom. This is just for fun, not for any profit.  
Category: Humor/Gen  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Patrick does the forbidden. Spongebob panics. Hilarity ensues. (We hope.)

HOOKED!  
Chapter Four

Suddenly, there was sky. And sunlight. And a boat.

Not to mention huge, weird, terrifying land creatures brandishing long poles with fishing line and hooks attached to them, standing on said boat. Spongebob squinted into the hot light, examining the new creatures closely, just as he did during his jellyfishing adventures, all in the name of science.

Boy, they sure were ugly.

"Christ, this thing sure is ugly," one of the creatures exclaimed, holding up poor Squidward by his tentacles. "Blech!"

"Look at what I got," another one grumbled, carefully holding Mr. Krabs claw-side down. "Not even enough for a decent crabcake."

"I'm declaring myself winner in the weird department," the one holding Spongebob said. "Do any of you even know what this thing is?"

"Um, guys," the fourth one said, sounding .... scared. "Uh, guys. I think I got a squirrel here."

"A squirrel?" they all exclaimed, turning around for a look.

"Yeah, and it's wearing a wet suit and oxygen tank and ... OW!" he cried, holding up his thumb which suddenly had two large red tooth marks in it. "It bit me and ran off! Jesus! A stupid squirrel in scuba gear bit me!"

The others shook their heads. "Told you he couldn't handle all that beer while in the sun," one of them whispered, rather loudly. He turned to his friend, who was still cursing and holding his thumb. "Come on, Lou. Let's get you downstairs for some coffee and a nap."

"But guys ... I swear! It was a squirrel! Wearing a full diving outfit. Come on, guys! I didn't drink _that_ much beer ..."

"Uh-huh. And Joe, could you toss those creepy things in the chum chest? They'll be good for later."

"Sure." And with a click of plastic, a cooler was opened up and Mr. Krabs, Spongebob and Squidward were thrown inside. "Jeez," said the muffled voice, fading away. "I gotta wash my hands now. Deees-gusting."

A crack in the cooler's side let just enough light in for him to see and Spongebob peered around their prison, past a wary Mr. Krabs and a terrified Squidward. "Did you hear that guys? We're in the "chum chest"," he said happily. "That means we're their chums!"

"Um, I'm don't think that's what it means, Spongebob" replied Mr. Krabs, looking around nervously. He examined the floor. "It's a bit wet in here." He poked around experimentally with one claw. "It's a bit squishy too. What do you think this stuff is? It sort of looks like ..."

"DEAD FISH!" Squidward screamed, trying to climb the walls. "IT'S DEAD FISH!"

Mr. Krabs turned a sickly shade of green. "We've got a bad situation here, boys."

"Oh, ew." Spongebob didn't feel so good himself. "I hope there's nobody we know in here."

"We're all gonna diiiiiie!" Squidward wailed piteously. "And me without realizing my true potential!"

"Your true potential? What's that Squidward?" Spongebob asked politely, trying not to look a the pile of stiff gills he was standing on.

Squidward ticked off the list on his tentacles, one potential at a time. "Dancing for the Bikini Bottom Ballet, playing clarinet at Clamagie Hall, painting the next Mona Tuna and creating a new fast food sensation that will put the Krustry Krab out of business."

At the last one, Mr. Krabs eyes narrowed dangerously. "Oh-ho! A traitor, are ye? Trying to steal away me money?"

"No," Squidward snapped. "I just don't want to work there anymore."

"That can be arranged," Mr. Krabs snarled back, the cooler getting uncharacteristically hot ... for a cooler. "You little ..."

"Gentlemen!" Spongebob held up his hands, trying to stop a huge battle before it began. "I think we should try to figure a way to get out of here so we can save Patrick. Remember, we're supposed to come up, save Pat and jump down all before you can say 'Davy Jones Locker' and I think we're a little behind schedule."

Mr. Krabs turned on him furiously. "Spongebob, just in case you haven't noticed, this thing we're trapped in? This IS Davy Jones Locker!"

"It is?" Spongebob asked, surprised. He bit his lip and looked around with a more critical eye. "Gee, I was expecting something on the roomier side, maybe with some shelves and a mirror ..."

"We're gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiie," Squidward cried again, sobbing. "They'll find my body buried beneath a pair of dummies. Then I'll be nothing but hook meat for another dummy. I'm ... dummy bait!"

Mr. Krabs was just about to reply nastily, when a tap on the top of the cooler caught all their attention. "Pssst! Fellas!"

"Sandy?" Spongebob yelled excitedly. "Is that you?"

With a loud _crack_! of a squirrelish karate chop, the lock was busted open, and a slice of sunlight beamed inside. Sandy looked down at them triumphantly. "Yep! I've come to get you out of here. And even better, I think I know where Patrick is."

"Hurrah!" Spongebob cried, jumping up and down. "We're saved. And just in time too. I was getting nervous."

Squidward huffed. "That's because you're a chicken. I, on the other hand, was the epitome of calm, cool and collected. Why, if it weren't for me. ..."

"Come on," Sandy said hurriedly, waving them up. "We have to get out of here and onto the next boat over. Cuz we're going to The Aquarium!"

to be continued ...

The Aquarium! What wonders of the deep wait for them there? Do they have enough money for admittance? Will they allow a squirrel in a wet suit inside? Find out the answers to all these exciting questions in Chapter Five of "HOOKED!" That's right! Get yourself "HOOKED!" on "HOOKED!" Don't forget, that's "HOOKED!"

And remember, reviews will make the annoying self-promotion and random use of capital letters stop. So please, hit "review!" and let me have it.


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